I won’t give up

I hopped on the elliptical this afternoon and turned my exercise play list to shuffle mode. ‘I Won’t Give Up’ by Jason Mraz was the first song to play. A good warm-up song for me. Actually, listening to this song has brought me through some tough moments over the past four years. It’s kind of my theme song at this point.

When I look into your eyes, it’s like watching the night sky, or a beautiful sunrise, well, there’s so much they hold. And just like them old stars, I see that you’ve come so far, to be right where you are. How old is your soul?

And when you’re needing your space, to do some navigating, I’ll be here patiently waiting to see what you find. ‘Cause even the stars they burn, some even fall to the earth.
We’ve got a lot to learn. God knows we’re worth it. No, I won’t give up.

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily. I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make. Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake. And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend for us to work, we didn’t break, we didn’t burn.

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in.

I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not, and who I am.

Well, I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up), God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved). We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved). God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love. I’m still looking up.

Today marks the four year anniversary of discovery. The day the other woman called my mobile phone. The day my husband copped to decades of lies and betrayal. But you know what? Fuck that shit! I completely forgot the significance of today until that song played and it made me think, hey, it’s January and I’ve been sort of building up to getting past this four year mark. For Blue Eyes, his big accomplishment was his four year sobriety date and that happened last month. The phone call doesn’t define us or our relationship and besides, I HAVE SUPER BIG NEWS TO SHARE.

I may have mentioned that our beach house, our retreat, our sanctuary, our shelter house, my safe place since addiction blew up my life, was being photographed for a magazine. What none of us knew (including the designer, and it is in a design magazine) was that it would  make the cover of the first issue of 2018. The magazine sent, by Fedex next day air, a copy of the magazine hot off the presses to the interior designer (and her husband, the architect). She texted me a copy of the cover immediately. Our copies of the magazine haven’t arrived yet. However, while I was checking out at my favorite local grocery store a couple days ago, and I had to squint because I didn’t have my glasses on, I squealed with delight when I saw the magazine cover and there was our house! Right there on the grocery store magazine rack! The check out guy just laughed at me. I was like a kid in a candy store… or me in a chocolate cake store, oh bother, why do I love chocolate cake so much? Anyway, I must share because after much trauma and sadness, this is such a happy moment. We ❤ our beach house! The pictures are a bit wonky since I am photographing a magazine on a dreary Pacific Northwest day, but here goes. SQUEEEEEAAAALLLL!!!!!

Anniversary of what? Discovery of what? My husband is a what? Ah, today is all about the beach house. Yippee to dreams that come true!!!



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